While You Were Offline: Droppin' Balloons and Sick Burns All Over the Place

We spent most of our time online last weekend digesting all of the news coming out of Comic-Con International (that Wonder Woman trailer, though...), but now we're back! Luckily, the Internet is much the same as we left it, except that now everyone we follow on social media has diverted their attention away from superheroes and back to politics. Are you ready for the world that's coming? Here's a good way to find out—by checking out those important stories that might have missed your attention if you were offline over the last few days. You're welcome.

What Happened: The true star of the Democratic National Convention this week? Balloons.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports
What Really Happened: After a week of strong speeches, the Democratic National Convention closed on Thursday night with Hillary Clinton addressing the crowd to accept the nomination to be the party's candidate for president. It was the grand finale of the event... or so it seemed until the balloon drop that followed.

And the excitement wasn't limited to social media. Regular media couldn't get enough either. Who knew how popular a simple balloon drop could be?
The Takeaway: Apparently the fastest way to win over the hearts and minds of your constituents is balloons. Who knew?!

What Happened: The creator of Dilbert is over the idea that someone should be, you know, good at stuff or an expert. The Internet doesn't quite agree.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter
What Really Happened: For those who only know Scott Adams as the creator of the newspaper strip Dilbert, it may come as a surprise to discover that he is in reality the kind of guy who wonders aloud whether President Obama will announce martial law to prevent Donald Trump become President or if voting is a con trick to create an illusion of a working society. He's also someone who likes to throw out provocative, if often nonsensical, comments on Twitter, leading to this classic from Thursday:

It's both a dig at Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton, who is by far the most experienced of the two nominees running this election, and a strange humble brag on behalf of Adams himself, whose ego knows few bounds even if it does seem to struggle with reality on occasion. Nonetheless, his challenge was issued, and Twitter rushed to respond:

Fellow right-wing thought leader Bill Kristol—who is not a fan of Adams' beloved Trump—couldn't resist his own jab, much to the amusement of many:

No, really, people loved that burn:

But back to Adams' question. A lot of people answered with a variation of the following:

For those unfamiliar with the Dunning-Kruger effect, that might seem like a strange coincidence. But let's see what Wikipedia has to say, seeing as we're talking about experts and all. "The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which relatively unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly assessing their ability to be much higher than it really is." Well, sure, that makes much more sense.
The Takeaway: Just think; we have something like 100 more days of this kind of thing to go through. (Also, if you want to read Adams's response to the tweet-storm, it's here.)

What Happened: As it prepares for its first HBO season, Sesame Street is making some cast changes—by getting rid of three longtime actors on the show.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports
What Really Happened: It was the jobs report that generations had never wanted to hear: Sesame Workshop, the company that's made Sesame Street for the past 47 years, is axing Gordon (Roscoe Orman), Bob (Bob McGrath), and Luis (Emilio Delgado) from the series ahead of the show's first season at HBO. (The series announced a move from PBS to the cable channel this time last year.)

This was, understandably, big news and it was certainly treated as such by the media, which unleashed a whirlwind of coverage.

Twitter, too, was traumatized by the news:

The Sesame Workshop would be so overwhelmed by the response that it released a statement which, really, didn't make anything that much better:

The Takeaway: Of course, there is a practical side to this decision, as grim as it is to admit:

(Don't think about that too much.)

What Happened: Jay Z is still the man behind Queen Bey. Or, occasionally, the man behind the camera in front of her.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports
What Really Happened: Sure, Lemonade might have presented a picture of a troubled marriage as Beyoncé hinted at Jay Z's unfaithfulness, but new photos uploaded to Queen B's site this week offered an alternate take, showing the Bey-Jay axis looking as strong as ever as they travel around the world. One picture in particular attracted a lot of attention, however...

Almost immediately, Jay Z was declared the "Perfect Instagram Husband" (a decision with which many appear to agree), while others were witnessing relationship goals or wondering if there was ulterior motives to the image: could it have actually been a stealth selfie? Well, that would assume that Jay-Z actually took the photo himself, and not everyone is convinced of even that.

Thankfully, Twitter was keeping it together:

OK, maybe not really keeping it together.
The Takeaway: Oh, to have been a fly on the wall while that photo was being taken.

What Happened: There's a certain level of celebrity achieved when another artist not only writes and releases a song about your parent, but manages to get a Twitter trend out of it. Good job, Drake.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports
What Really Happened: Canadian rock band the Arkells are going for a little crossover magic with their new release, targeting fans of fellow Canadian Drake in a song called... Actually, let's just let them tell you:

Yes, it really is a song named for Dennis Graham, the father of Aubrey Graham, aka the sweater-wearing dance beast known as Drake.

Needless to say, Twitter was excited:

Of course, the media was equally into it, because cool dads are inherently clickbait, right?

In order to fan the flames of the song's release, the band took to Twitter to explain its origins, which turned out to be surprisingly literal.

The Takeaway: Meanwhile, the origins of the song's video remain under wraps for now, although presumably Dennis Graham couldn't resist the ego boost. But I hope this song is enough of a hit to spawn copycats. (We're already at work on "Katy Perry's Auntie." If we hurry, we can probably take advantage of some of that Hillary campaign buzz if it sounds enough like "Roar," right?)