In my ongoing quest to watch all of the Star Wars films, I have now arrived at Episode V—The Empire Strikes Back. I was expecting the movie to be about, you know, the Empire's forces striking back. I was wrong. To my surprise, I spent two hours watching a movie about a green, diminutive 900-year-old with the telekinetic powers of Matilda, the voice of Cookie Monster, and a deep commitment to the Socratic method.
First of all, let me take back my earlier pronouncement that Star Wars is all white guys in costumes. It's not—and I'm not just talking about Lando Calrissian. One of the main characters this time around is a puppet. Yes, I grew up with The Muppets, but despite a hazy memory of the thrilling intergalactic odyssey Muppets in Space, I didn’t expect to encounter a puppet starring in a sci-fi classic. (At the request of the WIRED Entertainment desk, I'm watching the remastered versions—maybe a puppet would seem less ridiculous if I hadn’t already met the CGI version of Jabba the Hutt in A New Hope. Or seen any of the other CGI advancements of the past 35 years.)
Puppet surprises aside, The Empire Strikes Back was, for me, a more emotionally high-stakes watch than A New Hope. Episode IV was fun and strange, but V asked me to get to know and invest in these characters, as they do in each other. I loved how The Empire Strikes Back focuses in on moments of friendship: Chewbacca and Han teaching us what it means to be a good team; the disembodied voice of Obi-Wan vouching for Luke to Yoda; Luke and Han exchanging a silent nod of goodbye; C-3PO's overprotective concern for R2-D2; Chewbacca carrying the pieces of C-3PO on his back.
With such a recognition of the importance of friendship, it's tough to see Leia relegated to the familiar role of love interest. I want to give her so much screen time beyond being the crush of some "stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder." If my generation apparently doesn’t know how to date, maybe we can point to the role model of Han Solo, a guy who considers bravado and teasing an effective flirting strategy—I appreciate that he’s a self-aware scoundrel, but when a princess tells you she loves you, don't reply, "I know." The laser brain wasn't even polite enough to say thank you. (Have a field day with my cultural canon, commenters.) Also, the movie begins with a kiss between Luke and Leia, and ends with them staring out into space in an embrace (and C-3PO and R2-D2 kind of holding hands, in the loveliest friendship of the movie), so I’m hesitant to rule anything out in this bizarre love triangle. Stay tuned.
Ever-evolving love triangles aside, the most striking transformation from Star Wars: Episode IV to V is Luke. Our young hero grew up! In A New Hope, he was a whiny kid, eager to find unknown adventures bigger than picking up power converters in Tosche Station. In The Empire Strikes Back, Luke experiences his first kiss (playing it very cool), loses a hand, gains a dad, and defies his mentor to save his friends. What a coming-of-age! I'm proud of you, Luke. And I'm especially impressed that you somehow learned so many life lessons while doing yoga in a swamp with a tiny green puppet standing on your foot.
Lessons Learned:
• To answer my earlier question, Darth Vader is not in charge, but reports to the hologram of a wrinkly Voldemort.
• Move aside, fade transition: We've upgraded to iris wipes.
• The thoughtful-musing-over-a-landscape shot doesn’t work as well when the landscape is painfully 2-D. But the variety of planetary scenery is incredible.
Lingering Questions:
• Darth Vader uses videoconferencing to run his boardroom on the Star Destroyer. Everyone has a computer watch. How would the technology I use every day be different if it wasn’t created by inventors who grew up on Star Wars? (And Tupac notwithstanding, whatever happened to the hologram?)
• Why do members of the Empire have British accents?
• Why does C-3PO wear a metal crop-top? I know this movie is from 1980, but I’m not sure what purpose armor serves with an exposed midriff.
• After that brief glimpse of the back of his head, I have to ask: What injured Darth Vader?
• When Yoda tells holographic Obi-Wan that there’s another hope beyond Luke, who is he talking about?
• Who is Luke’s mom?
Normally, I would assume that Return of the Jedi was about the Jedi coming back. But after the surprise of telekinetic Yoda, I can only imagine the next episode will feature the exploits of a clairvoyant Swedish Chef. So if you’re up for a special Star Wars Challenge, join me in watching Episode VI this week! And for you aghast commenters, I'd hazard a guess that you might have a few cultural blind spots, too, so please, try to refrain from spoilers and disdain. Or, as my new puppet friend would say, "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try."
